My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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