nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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