My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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