Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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