Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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