If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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