Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
