just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
