He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
