I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
