well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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