so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
