Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
