Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
