Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
