a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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