dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
