God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
