Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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