the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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