That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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