i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
