yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
