this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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