Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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