He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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