AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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