Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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