Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
