She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
