I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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