Got a toothbrush?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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