just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
