Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
