Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
