Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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