if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
