i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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