I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
