Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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