yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
