Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Slut skills are useful in every country.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
