Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
