everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
