You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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