the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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