so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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