I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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