Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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