he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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