I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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