is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize