My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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