He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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