Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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