we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
