1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
