some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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