Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
