maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
